Aron Ralston is the man who famously survived a canyoneering accident in which he had to go to extreme circumstances to survive. Ralston was hiking in South-eastern Utah when he fell down a slot canyon. He survived the fall but a dislodged boulder had fallen down with him and trapped his arm.
Ralston screamed and shouted but there was no-one around to hear. He spent five days rationing his small amout of water and food. There was no way for him to free his arm or break the boulder and on the fifth night he thought he would die there and so carved his name, date of birth and presumed date of death into the wall. He also famously recorded a film of him saying goodbye to his family. Ralston’s situation become so desperate he was forced to drink his own eurine.
Ralston had already tried to amputate his arm with his small pocket knife but realised he was unablthe tool was insufficient. The following morning Ralston had an epiphany. Being an engineer he knew of the momentum of force called torque. If he could snap both bones in his arm then he could break his arm free. Having the willpower to break your own arm shows a great sense of will to survive where many others wouldnt be able to. Ralston broke free of his imprisonment in the cave but the had to climb down a 20m cliff before being able to walk the 8 miles to his car.
On the way back to his car he met a family of hikers who gave him food, water and called for help. If Ralston did not meet the family he would have most likely bled to death from his arm wound and so the timing that Ralston left was vital because without meeting the family he wouldn’t have survived where as if he didn’t free himself he would’ve been found dead in the canyon. This story is a great story of both his will to live and how fortunate he is to be alive. After the incident, Ralston’s arm was retrieved and cremated, which he scattered over the boulder where he said they “belonged”.
February 2, 2015 at 8:07 pm
Matt, this is clearly a stronger draft than your previous work. Here are some thoughts:
Targets:
1) You occasionally splice your sentences (using commas where there should be full stops).
e.g. Personally I believe that the Burqa is one of the main reasons that woman are still not properly seen as equal to men, I believe this because the woman hide their faces and bodies so that men will not be attracted to them or tempted in any way.
2) You should re-structure your paragraphs to ensure that new points are indicated through a new paragraph.
3) You need to use a greater range of persuasive language devices (rule of three, emotive language, statistics, imagery, rhetorical questions, imperatives).
4) Your final paragraph confuses your argument. Be clear about which side you are on and fully explain why you dismiss counter-arguments i.e. be one sided.
Current grade: 30/40 (C)